


The further we'll stray

by honestlyjustamess



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Depression, M/M, atmosphere, run aways
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-10-20 10:50:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10661043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honestlyjustamess/pseuds/honestlyjustamess
Summary: Tyler and Josh driving away. Nothing has gone as planned.





	1. Chapter 1

The bass is resounding through my brain and I feel like I am underwater. The lights of the highway stretch out before our car, guiding us. The music crackles, our reception isn't very good, we've gone so far. The whole world feels basked in the yellow light of of the highway. The air feels dirty but inside the car it feels safe, pure. The never ending stream of scenery flies past in a blur of green and blue and black. It smells like copper and mint and leftover cigarettes. The cars ahead of us form an army of red lights.

The song changes and the moment feels broken, irreplaceable. I can feel the rain pounding against the outside of the car. There's a weight on my shoulders that wasn't there only moments ago. I reach into the glove compartment and pull out my cigarette carton. There's only a couple left, I'll have to stop soon. I light one and he looks over at me and frowns but thankfully doesn't say anything. I inhale greedily and sigh. I roll down the window just a bit, don't want the rain coming in uninvited, but I know Josh hates the smell so I forgo protecting the car.

The drops of rain feel piercing, intrusive as they land on my skin, my arm hair sticking up at the cold. Cold and sharp as a needle, keeping me grounded and more alive. Josh is tapping out a rhythm on the steering wheel, tap tap tap, tap. The radio finally gives up and the reception is gone but before I can disappear, Josh's slipped in an old Steve Forbert cd, just an album I can use as a distraction. The cigarette is almost done and I throw the butt out the window and Josh murmurs a "thanks". The window is closed now but it's still cold in the car and now I am very aware of a hangnail. I can feel it, it's taking all of my willpower to ignore it but I can't do it, not now. 

I look into the side mirror and I look sad, unhealthy, cheeks hollowed, hair thinned, lit up by the too-white light of my phone. I'm not a leader, I'm The Follower. 

We've turned off the main road now, we're on a small dirt road, lit only by our head lights. The rain has turned to snow by now and it looks like it's coming at us vertically, attacking us, thousands of little pinpricks of light, stopping just short of destroying us. We turn a corner and one lonely car zooms past us, blinding us momentarily. 

The snow has become much heavier by now and Josh is forced to turn on only his lowbeams to be able to see anything past the white wall flying at us. I'm not sure we can get past the snow anyway, it'll be ruin us no matter how far we drive. But then again, anything might ruin me now.

I'm so tempted to tell him I'm sorry but I know it'll make it worse. This always happens but I can't let it ruin us again and again, pushing us further and then pulling us in, suffocating us until we explode. We get past it, over and over, neither of us sure it's what we want, what we need but it's beyond us now. 

We'll drive and we'll drive until we stop, too tired to continue or too suffocated to stand. I breathe in and out, in and out and he looks at me again, the ghost of his old, full grins whispering on his face, and aligns his breathing with mine. I have to change my breaths now. I have to stay out of time. His smile turns sad and I know he thinks as I do. Knowing the more we align, the further we'll stray.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is all my tired brain can think about since I passed that treehouse

We boarded a train. Not sure which, not sure where to but he said we would and so we did. I trust him of course but there's something so lonely about a train. So many people zipping along together for hours and then suddenly you'll all disembark and no one will care where the rest are going after the station. It's kinda like that with Josh sometimes I guess. Will he care? 

We're flying along at the speed of light, trees and trains and places I'll never visit blurring together to form a mess of greens and browns and blues and reds that I'll never be able to untangle as the lion's living inside me roar.

And then, then suddenly we'll pass a lake or some small town and it seems to take hours to pass through, I can see the sky reflected in water as black as night pooled by the tracks and it'll be the clearest thing I've seen in my life.

I fell asleep for a while, let down my guard. It was nice, I was tired but as I built up my guard again afterwards, it felt like I wouldn't be breaking it down again for a while. It felt final and I suppose that's fitting but it almost made me wish it was just the beginning. We were so close at the start, closer than I've ever felt with another person. You can't help missing what you had, even when you know it's killing you, gradually suffocating both of you. 

We pass a huge field, nothing growing except for weeds but at the very edge, there's a tree, fairly short compared to the ones beside of it. Someone's built a treehouse into it, wood and nails and childhood. It's obviously old and the tree looks close to dying but it still looks regal, the adventures and lives that went on inside the pine walls of that treehosue proudly declaring themselves. 

Its hard to not picture the kids that probably used the tree house, however many years ago. Kids, full of life and laughter, chasing through the trees, running from nothing but whoever was "it". They had their whole lives ahead of them. But then maybe one of them gets in a car accident and another moves away and soon enough, there's only one left alone in the treehouse, trying to steal happiness from loneliness.

And maybe that kid turned out fine but chances are, that lonely kid is me. 

The train is slowing down, coming into a station. Fallowfield, says the tin man over the pa. And this is it, I can't take it anymore and I'm running, grabbing my bag and I'm out. Josh is shouting at me from inside but I'm out and I'm free and I need this. I need the control after so long of being under someone's thumb. I've got a phone, barely charged but fine, and some money and that's all I need, all I've ever needed. I'm out and even though I haven't left yet, I'm long gone


End file.
